ChRis CroSs tots

2010-01-13T13:23:00.000+08:00

Learnt something over this week..

What is forgiveness?
Its not so much about releasing that someone from whatever he may have done to anger orhurt you.. Its releasing yourself from holding on to the past, from the emotional baggage.

Its self release, and not letting that someone off from whatever he may have done. After all, who are we to let that person off? The judgement lies with God who is sinless and righteous.

Just a random lesson learnt...

AND God is really the God of miracles.
WE MANAGED TO GET TICKETS TO BANGKOK DUR CNY!!! :D

work life balance

2009-11-09T17:23:00.002+08:00

as you can tell, this blog has been dead for several wks.. it reflects my state of mind - there are fewer and fewer bouts of inspiration bursting forth, esp when work durations take up most of the time i spend awake. (hardly get inspiration when i am asleep cos i hardly dream... dun even need to tok about visions in dreams lah.) this doesnt mean to say that work has been extremely busy, achievements have been tangible..in fact, are there even any achievements in sight? to be frank, everything's still rather hazy, and i am still groping around, trying to find sth substantial to do and act busy, useful like how everyone else is.

BUT amidst this haze *coughs*, GOD's hand has been in every minute detail. my previous worries when i embarked on this whole new phase have seemingly dissolved. in fact, i had worried in vain.. cos GOD really hears my prayers.. no matter how ridiculous, how lame, how trivial..

like how all humans are, new concerns and worries will occupy my head again wheneven i start on sth new. BUT i know GOD has been talking to me, through people, (who are not even believers), through a few particular verses...

you know, these experiences are not even e boomz, not even phenomenal.. not even life changing.. not the kind where you go Praise God, and then you go jumping and feeling all happy and light hearted like you have just had your dosage of endorphin or whatnot. i still have certain concerns, certain issues, certain responsibilities to face up to. BUT there's new found courage, new found direction, new found conviction.

which leads me to my next point..

what exactly do you want in life? this was sth my colleague discussed with me. he has all things material, in fact, he told me he knows what he wants materially, and it ends there. talk to more colleagues and you hear the same issues. "how to finance so many properties?" "how do you excel in your work" "what should be done to get better prospects in your career" " "when's the right time to buy house" "want to retire at 45".. the list goes on daily i tell you.

is this my end point? is this what i want in life?

frankly, when i was studying, i thought all those would make up my end point too when i work. if not, what's the point of working without tangible success?

BUT daydreams aside, after experiencing work life for real, this is definitely not a path i will take. many do not know what they want. that includes me if you want to go down to the specifics. however, i know i am already a winner against all of them, cos i know my general direction:which is to align my path with God's will. whatever that comes, come, cos i am ready to face them with God. it is not me shouldering the burden, it's God with me in this journey, which may even prove ardous at times. for the next 4o working yrs i have. (still so long!!) indeed, when thrown to sth new or perceived as challenging, i really have no choice but to trust and trust in our Provider. thats what challenges and new things are for! for you to have new found conviction and faith. and as i have already mentioned, it may not be that awe inspiring, that sensational a journey, but to me, its all that matters.

i really hope my ideals and direction remain, and do not waiver as the secular world beckons more and more. sometimes, i worry about my career path... but then i tell myself.. its ok.. i can always save up some money, go thailand and be a missionary if all else fails. nothing is more exciting a career than spreading God's work in a country i love and feel at home with. :)
and the best part is, i know someone is in it with me too. hehe.

back to reality again, during these few years, i really hope to learn all the good and useful things in this organisation. i don't know what is in store, but i'm just going to trust and be a faithful servant.

2009-07-14T21:45:00.004+08:00

commencement - i just took in the meaning of this word and hey, it's the start of something new!! not the end of school life. sad as it may seem since commencement or rather, graduation marks the end, well, there's always masters and lifelong learning. heh. for some, ahem, Phd.

well, i can't exactly say i have had very memorable experiences, but, at where i am now, i do miss the last 4 yrs. :S guess we often take things for granted until they are gone...

i won't say i regret doing what i had done the last 4 years. frenships forged, things learnt especially.. things that i honestly enjoyed studying.. especially thai!!! :) :) and well, random building stuffs that i cud score for ahahahhaha.

having said the above, i gues we must always look forward. --> i hope to polish up on my thai, or at least sustain it. well, the upsides of having a job is the independence u earn i guess...
and in 5 yrs time!! ppl's weddings to attend!! ahahhaha.
already haf one to attend this yr.

all in all, God has walked with me these 4 years. indeed He'll never forsake nor leave me.. He holds true His promises... really.

i think the most significant part of this whole uni affair would be His presence in my daily schl affairs, be it choice of mods, tutorial slots, tests, Projects and FYP!!! nv b4 had i taken much effort to feel and experience Him for real, until i had reached yr 2 or so.
and, i must say it really pays off :) not that His presence was never there before, but really,the experience is different once u can really feel how His Mighty Hands work in your life. its beyond picture perfect, its perfect beyond description.

so thank you once again.. to everyone ard who has truly been a blessing... and to the Mighty Hand that delivers richly and blesses abundantly.!

2009-06-21T21:06:00.003+08:00

PRAISE GOD!!!!

:) :)

for the unexpected surprise (TOTALLY I MUST ADD)
without which for HIM, would never have happened.

2009-04-27T09:49:00.002+08:00

this is very true..

if you fear God you fear nothing

if you do not fear Him you fear everything

- probably the only take-home i got from yesterday's sermon.. but it was a very insightful and refreshing thought indeed.

was thinking while driving bout the past sem, and i am really thankful that God had seen me through all the assignments, THESIS, tests etc. beyond academia, frenships have been forged stronger, new frenships have been established.. albeit few, but nevertheless i am thankful for.

all these did not come out of sheer luck or coincidence - these would never have been beautifully perfect without the sovereignty and blessings of Him.

on a side note, melb here i come :) :)

2009-02-03T22:58:00.004+08:00

the greatest gift i can ever pass on to someone is the gift of salvation!
- something that has been ringing in my head the past wk.

not sure why either, maybe its cos i have thinking bout frenships, gifts, social relations?
or maybe its cos frenship day or v day is coming.

this may sound somewhat harsh, but i have been feeling this too - that i wud have been a lousy fren unless i was proud to be identified with Christ, to openly share, influence and disciple others.
hmmm i dont know why i got this thought i either.

i 've been trying to set my heart on getting some things worked on this year, things that call for greater commitment, things that matter, and most imptly, things that glorify Him in the relevant ministries. hope this sense of conviction can be sustained through.

lastly, i thank God. its been a beautiful 2 months into 2009. everything has been somewhat refreshing, God has been kind, really.

and really, to sing this chorus part of the song:
be the fire in my heart, be the wind in these sails, be the reason that i live...
truly hard to live up to, but truly inspiring.

-reflective mood-

2009-01-29T08:34:00.002+08:00

off to thailand in may n june :) :) hope my chinese wud improve too. *ahem*

initial impressions do not last. or at least i hope so in my case..! *ahem ahem*

thai 5 this sem is surprisingly a stressful affair for me :/ i can't pinpoint the exact reasons, cos its really just 3 hrs of toking nonsense. or rather me listening to the same few ppl toking nonsense. maybe it kinda gets mundance and boring and tiring after awhile.

its quite funny how i attempt feebly to pray b4 each thai class, cos i haf this sense of anxiety and unease. the only thing to look forward to is lunch after thai class wif belle!

but that saying, i really hope to learn thai well this sem, cos its my last chance!!

cny was ok, u see the good and bad of ppl. makes u clearer of ur own values as well.
change is constant, so is God.
likewise, faith has to be constant, just like God's faithfulness.
yes, even if the plastic chair u sit on gives way unfortunately, ur faith still rebuilds when u sit on another chair.

its gotta be like this when it comes to me-God relationship.

some things u gotta let go, let God.

2009-01-08T14:45:00.002+08:00

i like wat my fren said today at cf retreat

"sometimes u gotta take the leap of faith first, because the signs of assurance will come after u take that step"

" you don't know what you are doing sometimes, or it may not make any sense to u at all when God prompts you to do things seemingly illogical to you, but GO, trust God, and just do it"

what little faith we have sometimes, what little trust.

what he said was what i experienced right before the retreat.
i din intend to go, cos i would only be able to make it for 2 hrs out of a whole day.
but God prompted me to go, cos at 9am this morning, i got a reminder sms.

Go Forth, do not look back. You won't regret.

2009-01-02T18:45:00.002+08:00

its been a wonderful year - 2008 :) a year of blessings, new friendships, new experiences, new ministry, knowledge...

guess that can't really sum up what i've been thr in a yr of 365 days, but u get the gist.

its always the case for me where when going thr the year itself, everyday can be somewhat monotonous and even draining at times. but hey, when u look back, the year ain't dat bad, maybe its cos i tend to forget the unpleasantness quickly (:

nv look back for too long, look forward, press on, and continue to be who God wants me to be - sth i must stick to... hmm is dat a resolution?

i dun really want to make resolutions this yr, cos firstly, i dun stick to them, and and... everything's always changing as the days past, so maybe i shud make weekly or daily resolutions to be the best that i can be for God!
oh well, blame it on my forgetfulness and inconsistency.

i still miss laos!! hai.

2008-12-17T20:02:00.003+08:00

i left my heart in lao...

nah, not quite, cos i ll be gg back again next yr!
lao ( the locals call laos "lao" without the s) is beautiful. tts an understatement really.
or maybe its cos when one is in a holiday mood, everything and everywhere u go seems awesomely wonderful, indeed, truly, our God is an awesome God.

thank God indeed for the safe journey, it was somewhat fraught with danger.. minivan breaking down at 2am in a mountain range - absolutely cold, dark, scary.

walking along a super dark back aisle in cambodia, which looked somewhat liked a garbage dump based on the silhouttes i could make out from, a box suddenly upturned and fell to the ground, a man looming ard behind the garbage suddenly --> really really eerie.

well, on to the good things, its hard to pinpoint exactly what was noteworthy, cos everything, all in all was jux magnaficent.

plus the fact that lao language is somewhat like thai, knowledge of thai was indeed an added bonus in immersing in laos. :)

made a new fren in lao too! promised her i wud go back next yr.

laos, laos, i left my heart in laos.

2008-11-30T12:20:00.003+08:00

:/ suwanaphum is still closed :( :(
rushed to cancelled my tix, now we are gg to laos via KL :) but it costs 100 bucks more!! hai.

well, on to happier things,

exams haf endeD! its the shortest exam period ever! kinda shiok, but the wk was super fierce almost died memorising stuff for my elective. heh. but nydc dinner was good :) (the food sarked, but company was niceeee)

yay. its nice to just haf nothing to do, and do anything on the spur of the moment! I LIKE!! :)

2008-11-27T08:09:00.001+08:00

will suwanaphum please please please open by sunday :( :( :(

2008-11-24T17:20:00.002+08:00

just had my first paper!!

i realised that i have fewer than 10 papers to take b4 i grad!!! tt marks e end of school life :(
for better or for worse?
hmmm

how great Thou art, even in trying times. sth to tink about.

yay!! less than week to laos!!! :) :) need a break man...

hai. sometimes, work consumes u till u lose urself.
sometimes, slack consumes u till u dun even noe u lose urself.

wat a paradox.

impt thing is not to lose the Great Thou.

2008-11-06T19:27:00.002+08:00

my richest gain I count but loss....

sounds contradictory right? well, many msges in the Word always seem contradictory..but this one taken from a hymn and inspired by the Word seems to be ringing in my head today.

for "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of the Christ Jesus my Lord" and "whatever wat to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ".
Philippians 3: 7

the world tells us to take take take, hoard as much as riches as we can, --> better quality of life.

the reverse happens in the Word. interestingly contradictory to human wisdom, but profoundly meaningful when we see where God is coming from.
it means surrendering to God, it entails courage, humility, trust, most imptly faith.

yes, indeed we wud be losing everything if we do not commit our lives into His hands.

phrase of e day: my richest gains i count but loss

word of e day: dudette :) :)

dudette 1 --> take that! haha ok tts a bad rhyming pattern...
aye hope dudette's back not so achy already!

2008-10-17T12:57:00.002+08:00

death can come like a thief.

nope, no one dear to me has gone home, thank God for that.. just someone i have seen before at church.

this sad news gave me the urge to blog about sth that i had intended to blog about several weeks ago.

its always so easy to be a good witness when times are good, when we have few distractions, when we are free.

but, the challenge is to be a good witness all the time, 24/7, even during crunch time.
death can come like a thief - you never noe when is your next chance to be a blessing to others.
this is a big challenge, considering our limited capacity and energy, but, we must have faith that all things are possible with Him. its the faith that catalyses all things sometimes.

perhaps i got such insights bcos of the home visits i have been doing for theeesisss, where the intention of staying 15 min for survey sometimes drags to an hr bcos of enjoyable conversations. indeed, i hope that such conversations work both ways - they have definitely added meaning to my life, i hope it adds meaning to my friend/relative/mum's friend ('s) lives as well.

its the interactions outside the monotonous workloads that make a difference. the challenge is then this - can we make time and allowances for these? or allow work to swallow us up.

sth to think about..

2008-10-12T18:53:00.003+08:00

life impacts life.

that was the sermon message for today. refreshing and insightful indeed.
yest someone was telling me that its wonderful to be able to bring sunshine to others.
indeed, i see this insurmountable joy in him, though he does not drive the biggest of cars, and does not own the biggest of houses.

contentment. thats sth we often fail to have.

its great to be blessed, but its even greater to be a blessing to others.

2008-10-09T08:42:00.002+08:00

Knowing you Jesus, knowing You, there is no greater thing.

indeed tt song lyric holds true :)

was kinda jaded cos of some stuff, but well God has proved me wrong once again, that nothing is too dire in His hands. its too easy for a person to lose faith, not believing how great He is, and how everything is in control.

this verse came to my mind:
isaiah 40:28

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. "

yes, where else to put my trust besides in the great Creator who created everything...

sometimes, we get too distracted by everything else that we fail to see the big picture, and fail to involve God. :/ its never too late to turn back though, and fall back into the loving arms of our Father. :)

2008-09-27T08:20:00.001+08:00

baBy bunny 2! clever little darling..

2008-09-27T08:14:00.002+08:00

bunny 1: handsome young man already

baby bunny 1 - round face, small body, super cotton ball.

2008-09-25T23:35:00.002+08:00

blogged! :)

since someone's complaining dat i havent blogged.

its mid term break! good break cos i am resting more than i cud ask for! but den again, schls less intensive this sem cos there are fewer lessons. but but, theres fyp :( :( dunno if its better or worse.

its funny how life is sometimes. things happen unexpectedly, be it happy or sad things.
sometimes, u can even feel quite dumb looking back :/
oh well.

its quite funny too how when we grow up, different problems, on a larger magnitude, seem to surface. its hard to help as well. :/

but who are we to question whether life's unfair?

all is in e hands of the Creator.

guess e only constant thing is God.

i am thankful for wat i have, for wat i dun have, for everything.

2008-07-20T15:52:00.002+08:00

its been a loong hiatus aint it?
wheeeeeeee. intern's over!!!! can't believe i wasted much of my hols on it :/
quite a mix of feelings after it all ended though......
haii..
but but i dun regret it cos i made a nice fren whom is real funny and whom i ll probably contact even yrs fron now :)

and oh ya, i adopted a new bunny. its pretty cool, cos its uhmm, cute and furry? but i cannot believe i spent 200 bucks on its stuff, tho e bunny came free.

and coming up, cors bidding (boo hoo, cos making some plans in dec, quite in a fix now)
many other stuff.

meanwhile, i shall embrace e hols and chill out.

yay 4th aug is coming soon :) :)

2008-06-23T23:19:00.002+08:00

first bday surprise!! a call fr belle!!! haha sounds like we are lovers or sth. but i was really thrilled to hear her voice!! ( yeah i noe we r in a high tech place, but it still makes my day to hear sth fr someone special :)

sadly, i had to work the first time on my bday, always got the chance to do wat i want on my bday for the past 22 yrs.

well, shall move on to the cliched stuff, which really is close to my heart. every bday is a time of thanksgiving :)

thank God for...
frenships rekindled, a best present one can haf.
old but strong frenships, those dat nv fail to forget this day, even smsing at 12 midnite! coolness! i was asleep by den..! - another wonderful present..
3 bday cakes this yr!! awesome!
courage to play dur service ( really a leap of faith, another milestone)

most imptly, for making me who i am today, by His abundant grace.
another yr of growing, learning, and taking things step by step. :)

2008-06-19T08:14:00.002+08:00

haha so funny i was tinking bout belle and she msned me and told me she tagged my blog and we were tinking along the same lines! :)

He's got the whole world in His hands.
well, a reminder that God is in control all the time, 24/7

internship's alrite.. at least i have company. heh thank God that i managed to stay on wif them. it even gets hilarious at times!! like how we encountered a mad man/rude ppl, but its pretty memorable and funny when u tink back.
nevertheless, i am definitely looking forward to the much awaited break in july..

2008-06-10T10:06:00.002+08:00

back fr thailand!! ;)

glad to have a break

on to a bleak thing, sometimes, it really doesnt pay to be kind. not like i am expecting anything in return nv did, as long as i haf done my utmost, its fine.

i lost my sim card in bkk! urghz.

but i was really glad to meet up wif my thai fren and may!!! was really really touched by my thai fren, for the sincerity, and the kindness offered.

2008-05-18T16:09:00.002+08:00

work's been draining :/ :/ :/ :/
can't say that its exactly interesting, but oh well, trusting in God as my fellow bored -at- work- sms -exchange fren put it.
but well, thank goodness that i have internet, and access to some random msn host via a webpg now! so it aint dat bad, provided there are ppl online.

shan't explain the scope of my whole intern stint.. its top secret!!! hahahaha

the only good thing is dat weekends are really mine, and i can slp as much as i want, do anything i want, yes, meaning virtually mindless/brainless activities.

well, on a social aspect, i tink i have even lesser social time now than b4, so much for meet after exams :/
life is about, hmmm............ 8am start work, count down to lunch, den after lunch, count down to 530pm. the highlight of the day is lunch, cos theres food galore ard my workplace, and the food really is quite good! made by those established experienced hawkers. haha

den after work, g0 home, stoneeee in front of the tv, slp.
hopefully it gets better after i adapt to this routine.

wish i cud go on a holi holi holiday!
wahhh envious of the nice nice interesting places tt belle has been to!! :/

2008-04-29T12:45:00.002+08:00

today i was praying wif my uni fren today pre exam paper,
and i seriously chanced upon this song (which was used as rough paper by him)
sang it in church last week too.
lyrics really nice... but sadly, cudnt find a nice video on youtube though..

Thank you, Lord,for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,I can learn to care.

But it goes against the wayI am to put my human nature downand
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.
'Cause when those trials come,my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

and I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everythinglife is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,that when everything's put in place,

a song that is close to my heart...

2008-04-24T22:24:00.002+08:00

i like the no schl feeling! can watch tv! can do anything i like!!
and this sem, i am smart enough to choose which date to stop the season parking!
but.. had to go back to schl dur reading week for thai testS!! that was quite :/
good thing is, its over!

its weird, tt how after some time, things kinda fadeaway, and its easier to face up to watever you din want to face in the past.
well... i haf mixed feelings bout it, not sure how to react still, but the element of fear is half gone. hmmm....
tough situations, tough choices, calls for lots of wisdom to deal with it.

cherish your loved ones, easier said than done at times. not sure if there is even love, or its love out of obligation. i dun even wanna tink bout the future, cos its scary, and i dunno how twisted it will get.
but i gotta rem that God is in control.

2008-04-11T13:07:00.003+08:00

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."
Ecc 3:11

saw this verse from a website, a timely reminder to me amidst the crunch week of the sem.

anyway, on to other things

tinking of learning the guitar..hmm.. but i dunno where to start, who to learn fr etc.
other than this exciting thing, there s nothing exactly exciting in my life..

oh! on to a sad thing, it seems like my hamster is dying :/ :/
he had to go for a surgery ( can u imagine a small dwarf hamster being operated on with GA?)
and the vet said sth like oh sometimes the hamster may not wake after GA cos he is not strong..
:/ i was kinda freaked out.
but thank God dat he woke up, and is still alive today.

hmm.. maybe i shud haf bought him a gf so dat he cud haf sons and daughters and i wun miss him when he goes.

sad news..

but..

everything in His time.

2008-03-23T22:54:00.002+08:00

disobedience and the hefty price to pay... :/

good friday was supposed to be spent in church with fast and prayer, but lazy me decided not to go in the end... (excuses such as no time aint excuses) i was, am just plain lazy and disobedient.

and because i gave it a miss, i felt this very very uncomfy tingling in my heart - it was unnerving, unpeaceful, the sorta feeling you get when disobedience comes into play.
a first time i had this strange feeling, given that for the past few years. missing good friday church services din seem to haf much impact on me. hmmm.. interesting

and well, one bad thing led to another, and things got into an uncontrollable state - the consequences of disobedience are unthinkable/unpredictable

but thank God indeed!! with repentance and His forgiveness, i felt at peace again after Easter service, and those nasty feelings that shrouded my heart seemed to be fading away. the peace that transcends all understanding is really perfect and amazing!

with obedience comes a price, even sacrifice, in our eyes.
but hey when we look back and reflect, we can come and taste how sweet the sound of Jesus is. Sometimes, our human flaws and shortsightedness are stumbling blocks to align us to His plan. But, through Him these weaknesses and flaws are perfected, through Him all are found, if we can just turn back and worship Him with all gladness and faith again.

Praise God for everything, be it flaws/trials/goodness/blessings.

2008-03-13T16:54:00.002+08:00

its been like 2 mths since i blogged.
the pains of schl and growing up = privacy issues and keeping things to yourself

nevertheless.. its been a good period of growing, learning..

and well... just walking with God

yay! i m really glad belle is so free to be able to communicate with me at any time of the day. in fact, we have communicated much more than b4, strange but true. amazing.

i tink i am reaching a stage of in between - know wat i want, but yet still stuck at the crossroads. :/ 22 but yet i feel ..... old, and not so old.

the complexities of life one can never fathom.

i miss thailand!!!
i miss khaw tuu!!
i miss som tam!!
i miss...
i miss....

chilling out and practising my thai!!

2008-01-22T08:09:00.000+08:00

i was chatting with a church fren yest on msn, and it was a really inspiring and wonderful chat..
haven't toked to him in 2 yrs, the first and last time i toked to him was at some combined event.

its amazing how God worked in His life, and how he strives to give his all for God.. i din noe he was so active in cvcf and church, till i heard here and there fr chuch news bulletins, fr another fren, and from him yest. its really amazing that he is so willing to serve, to be sent by God in whatever ways. no lame excuses, no hestitation at all, bcos his passion for God is just so great, so fired up.

i tink its time for me to reflect, enough with the excuses.. as another fren puts it, no time is really no excuse, its a matter of time management and prioirities, and God is and should always be first in our lives.
its always so easy to say it, but challenging to do.

hmm... i shud seriously sit down, pray and reflect, and tink....

about life - not solely mine, but belonging to the Creator.

2008-01-12T09:59:00.000+08:00

schl's starting next wk.. :/ cos i haven't enjoyed enough of the holidays.

but God has been good..all the time.

tho i was pretty sian during immersion cos of certain things, i sure made very good frens with the thai buddies! we still keep in contact via msn, but the convos may get rather frustrating at times, cos i am bad at thai, and we take a long time to figure out wat both sides are trying to say.. the thing that impresses me is that they dun give up chatting, tho they have to spend lots of effort explaining some words to me.. if i were them, i wud be very sian and bored. hurry exit convo better. but ya thank God for sincere frens like them. (:

being bored somewhat during the trip, and with absolutely zero sources of entertainment (din bring laptop/mp3/book) all i could do was talk to myself in my head, and reflect on life. and of cos talk to God.
serious.

it was a good thing, cos away fr all distractions, i could realign what i wanted in life. --> for example, i dun tink i will migrate to thailand anymore, or stay there long term. but its still definitely an awesome place to tour ard in and travel! so ya! more thai trips to come, but working there is a no no for now.

as cliched as it sounds, it was a timely reminder again that i got to cherish what i have back home. home is still the best!! i missed the variety of food here, the car, the conveniences of everything..
learnt a lot from my thai frens, the culture, their way of life --> its vastly different from bangkok life, staying in nakhon pathom was experiencing the true thai life.

but.... if u ask me to go on immersion again, its no thanks for me..
once is enough!! touring in bkk is definitely more fun and exciting! belle --> game for it??
must plan for our trip next yr leh

wat was the most amazing thing dur the trip was this --> giving my bible away to my thai fren. throughout the whole trip, i kept questioning God about His purpose for me in this trip, cos i din see my thai improving as much as i had hoped for, and i was pretty sian. but ya, God answered me on the 2nd last day, when somehow, randomly, (but of cos in GOd's will all along) i happened to talk bout the bible wif my thai fren, and he was interested in reading it. so ya! i gave it away. that was also near Christmas, so it was in a way the best Christmas present ever! ok.. as a goodwill gesture, my thai fren gave me a present.. tt could be counted as the most meaningful christmas present ever!

yep.. i tink my perceptions of some things have changed. so thank God indeed for such insights.

ok.. off to cook lunch! not tom yam, not pat thai, unfornately :/ sick of thai food for now.!

2008-01-03T18:37:00.000+08:00

back from nakhon pathom and bangkok!!
met up with may in bangkok too!
i shall let fotos do the talking..

me and may

wif my personal tutor.. nice and motherly!

group photo at some cultural performance.

there are more fotos. but lazy to upload. heh if u wanna see let me noe ok!

2007-11-26T07:35:00.000+08:00

i juz happened to be surfing ard youtube looking for a song for cg.. and i came across this familiar song (i will run to you) . i like the chorus especially...

And I will run to You

To Your words of truth

Not by might, not by power

But by the spirit of God

Yes I will run the race

'Till I see Your face

Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

beautiful encouraging song..

well, on to other things... first paper down! actually it was thai, not too stressful cos i intend to s/u it. and good stuff, my thai tutor's inviting us to dinner at some thai restaurant at 6th avenue! the other thai tutor apparently oso has plans to invite us for lunch after exams!

oh and i was pretty interested in getting a dog still ( i tink its belle's fault! she told me the cocker spaniel was cute and lovable!! and i had this tot that she used to be scared of dogs - not sure if i made it up or she told me b4.. and now it seems the puppy has allayed her fears) but but....

1. i have absolutely no idea how to train/care for a dog

2. my mum and bro are absolutely terrified of furry animals at home
3. a dog calls for 12 yrs commitment minimum

and when my bro told my church fren bout this.. apparently he kept laughing and laughing and advised dat i get a robot dog instead! :/ (he has a jack russell u see and he claims dat it took quite hard to train his dog) my bro calls me crazy and hiliarious too

and den i was asking my other fren bout wat dog to get cos i want a stoned one, not too hyper and demanding kind. he said husky!! wah! my house only so small la! he said if i want a stone animal get rabbit cos all small dogs are hyper :/ :/

ok, i was surfing ard and i tot these 2 dogs were pretty adorable..

maltese - very cute!! but my uncle had one b4 and he said it had some tearing problem and kept tearing and got infected. the hair grows and grows and gets entangled, hard to maintain. he oso said its quite untrainable. and my mum was saying: white dog ah.. wah ur white car always so dirty later the dog easily dirtied.

silky terrier

well i tink i will pop by some dog breeder farms to take a look at the real thing, and see if i am really unafraid of them. cannot buy on impulse..

2007-11-19T20:53:00.000+08:00

back to update cos someone forced me to yest nite!! :p

well, i dun really have much to update..

was juz tinking bout how true this is -

we all haf gifts given fr God. humanly, being gifted quite necessarily implies tt we become the best among the rest.. say become the best teacher/swimmer/musician.

but.. as for God given gifts,

its about the interests/the desire to serve God in that particular area. we need not be the best or excel extremely well, but strangely enough, the closer we get to God, the better we get at it if we use it and practise.

pretty cool huh? it nv occured to me.

its the end of the semester again!! so fast!! i only haf like 3 sems left..

well, i haf been surfing ard to look at dogs, after hearing someone getting a cocker spaniel.
those small small cute cute ones are really cute and adorable! like enid's one! wah so guai and huggable! but a bit smelly! :/

ha but if i cannot even cope wif a hamster.. dog ah.. muz wait till i work or sth..
ok.. off to watch tv!

2007-11-03T19:00:00.000+08:00

school's been too hectic, way too busy, tiring.. so much so that i have been lazy to do many other things, in particular, to listen, tok to God, reflect on His words. :/

but God is merciful, and He will still lead me. this i know.

so many days, so many times i have been frustrated, stressed, wondering if i will ever get past all these projects, modules etc.

but God has been merciful, guiding me along for the past 2 yrs in schl, and i noe for sure, this sem is in His hands.

so many times now, i have complained, grumbled about the not very impt things in life.

but God has been merciful, teaching me to give thanks for wat i have, and to trust in Him.

so many thorns in my flesh, so many things that irritate me.

but God has been merciful, He has provided inner peace, so that i would not irritate others back.

so many bumps and problems my car has faced

but God has been merciful, my car is still in one piece, no dent yet!

just yesterday, i was feeling a little sian after 5 hrs of lessons, and i happened to meet my nj classmate along the corridor! we toked quite a bit, catched up.. it was an instant mood uplifter! reminiscing somewhat bout the nj days, toking bout the current states we are in (schl stress la!) and even the future. he is still as frenly chatty as ever!

well so much for the past, its nv good to reminisce too much no matter how good the memories are.
gotta let go of these past memories to God, and dwell in the joy that He holds the future for us, all crafted perfectly in His plans.

ok.. i tink i shud be off to do some devotions then.. since i dun tink i can make it for cell :/

2007-10-21T12:30:00.001+08:00

geez! its been a mth since i last blogged. i tink i have since forgotten how to blog.. or i haf decided to keep everything inside me.. ha the mysteries of growing up?

well..for whoever who still surfs this pg..

well! one major update!

thai immersion! :) :) :)

ok la actually i had mixed feelings cos i had no fren to go wif.
i was really praying for direction bout it. to go or not?

asked ard, and the general consensus was to go and make new frens!

but u noe i am quite wimpy so i figured i still need so noe at least 1 person b4 gg.

so.. continued praying and seeking, decided to sign up first.
then came thai project discussion, and this guy whom i nv really saw b4 in my class suddenly existed in my eyes. so ya he was juz asking ard who's gg etc. so i said eh me!

den wonderful! he knew this other girl gg.. so now we are 3 frens! haha lame but at least i wun hafta take the plane alone!! ( cos we gotta settle our own air tix to thailand, basically u juz hafta get to bangkok by hook or by crook on the 10th.. can swim cycle walk anything la)

praise God!

den came the next problem! 3 of us, 2 girls and a guy are gonna extend our stay. so i tot yeah 3 persons is ok. much to my surprise, the other girl is gg off on her own to find her thai frens! so tt leaves me with that guy (with whom i barely toked to for 5 min) to be on our own for another 4 days!! man i was kinda freaked out. imagine acc/touring etc with a guy i dun really noe la!!!

i told my mum ha and she was like pretty worried. her first few question were : let me see his face! eh if got trouble he run away den leave u dere how? and u stay where?? yada yada yada...

i din feel too comfy too myself.

ok.. to cut the story short..
i managed to pull ivan along! so ya he is gonna meet me in bkk den 3 of us (now 2 guys and one girl) and maybe tt guy's thai frens will be hanging ard in bkk. sounds great? ha i seriously dunno.

and oh yes! if u guys tink i am like totally siao thai i am not!! compared to these 2 ppl gg for immersion too.. wah i can tell for sure they are REALLY THAI la! i am like 10% of their enthusiasim la! :/

haha and ya i was like telling belle bout this and she was equally amused! man everytime we tok online its always a very animated amusing convo!! one of a kind fren she is i cannot even explain for myself! i tink the best part is dat we find the same things very funny.. which is very rare cos our sense of humour is pretty twisted la. geez. i spent one para on her! eh u better respond! ha

ok so to end it all.. i will be away for the bulk of dec la. 9 - 31! so long in thailand! hope i enjoy it!

2007-09-20T20:33:00.000+08:00

thank God indeed! my bro did pretty well for his prelims, which means he can enter the jc he wants to go to for 3 wks next yr! h a now the provisional entry lasts for 3 wks only!

its been a wk of listening

why?

cos i felt God speak to me. :) ha i finally dug my ears and heard him eh. its been a struggle for me honestly especially so when we humans are weak and fallible.

till.... monday this wk.
really the signals were clear, and i am glad my perspective has changed.

now's the time to look forward, trust in Him, and let Him lead the way.

as my fren put it: wat for be discouraged? in everything, no matter how undesirable, we muz give thanks cos His plans are nv flawed. trust and trust and trust and trust.

its wen's party this sunday! but yet to buy present! muz shop already this sat! ha i am so tempted to buy her a big birthday mooncake!

2007-09-15T19:22:00.000+08:00

wah!! its been ages since i blogged. and there are still tags! thx :)

i have been pretty perturbed, distracted, discouraged, disappointed, frustrated. a sense of dejavu keeps returning i dunno y. :/
sounds psychotic. all rojak mixed tog = no mood to blog/ do anything

however, this rojak has been more diluted already.. so thank God. i was driving and suddenly my ears and heart seemed to open when this particular song played! usually i dun hear 90% of the songs cos i am busy driving.. i haf sung this song so many thousand times dat i tink i haf taken the lyrics for granted. but truly, for that 5 min or so, i actually felt the lyrics touching my heart again!

"i m coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You, its all bout You Jesus"

i felt God telling me not to be preoccupied wif those distrubing things ard me, but to readjust my focus and focus on Him. all the things i do, its not for me, but for Him. yes beautiful indeed when God speaks in unexpected ways.

and i muz say again tt God works in remarkable ways! so much for worship ministry which i nv got down to join cos i din make any effort to practise or improve my skills. i juz plainly cited my lousy piano skills as a convenient excuse. ya disobedient lazy me.
and u noe wat?! last sunday the worship IC actually came up to me and asked me if i wud like to sign up for music classes catered specially for worship! i din even noe such a class existed! God is good wif solving my excuses juz as i am good wif coming up wif them!
i am pretty keen, but i wud hafta wait until next vacation to learn. schls really busy this sem wif thai 3. :/

oh yes! deres thai immersion program this dec. 3 wks of thai! go or not? i oso dunno.. muz pray for direction too! but sounds pretty interesting! after dat can hear the thai tutors in nus gossip! haha as my tutor put it.

yeah steph! i miss cg and worship and all too! hai ok i will try to come!! heh u nv reply me facebook posts!! REPLY LA!

2007-08-26T14:41:00.000+08:00

man.. i haf lost the inspiration to tink freely, to express myself.

the impact of schl + work :/

hai, i feel very very sian!!! :/

every start of the sem, i get this withdrawal symptoms fr schl. its normal folks..
it jus shows..

i am born to slack! hahaha

anyway, this wk has been less painful cos i gotta tok to belle! :)
ok, i shall decide wat to do.. sloth ard probably!

2007-08-13T16:06:00.000+08:00

and so............. schl begins

:/ X 100000000000 times

now i noe why me and cheryl hit it off so well!! we are :/ wif schl! always first one to go off last time in rg! haha and i din even noe she ponned lect to meet me last wk! tsk!

today's my turn! no lect notes go dere do wat?! waste fuel only

and yikes.. thai 3 i suspect has fewer than 20 ppl. :/ one to one lessons wif the tutor dun seem very appealing. but i am hoping we wud end earlier this way! den i dun mind!

baked a strawberry chiffon juz now! yummy! someone called me greedy christine boo hoo :/

oh n i watched king and i yest! some musical! i tink its very nice cos its thai based! hehe it beats phanton in my eyes! the kids were so cute!! its far more light hearted, tho my back was twisted in a funny way throughout the 3 hr show cos we got balcony seats.. those at the side wif lots of privacy.. its the cheapest seats ard!

2007-08-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

Lord prepare me to be a living sanctuary
Pure and holy; tried and true
With thanksgiving I'll be a living sanctuary for you

this is a song chorus.. and i had been trying to find it for some time, but failed to.
amazingly, it was in a cd enid had lent to me to play in my car. :)

more imptly, i really like the lyrics.
the lines are meaningful and nice. it nv fails to make me draw closer to God, and to remember His grace and His purpose in my life.

God soothes too!
juz like yesterday, i was pretty upset i din see the fireworks live. yeah i regretted not getting someone to go wif me. i tot i wud be ok at home, but i realised watching fireworks on a screen really sucks. :/ i was really frustrated and irritable cos this could haf been prevented, and it kinda led into an argument. but well, God has been great, as always, eternally.

today was a nice day at ecp! walking and eating and meeting di!! hehe and his mei!! she is all grown up and i feel so old :/

the past wk has been alrite too.. fun and carefree! went cycling wif enid and cheryl, met up wif mich in nus and met belle in causeway point macs (we met there b4 too! )
great really. thank God it din rain dur my ecp outings!

thank God too dat i bidded for thai 3 wif one point! :) but pretty worried now cos i forgot many things! well, one thing at time i guess..
oh ya! lerk thai is opening in the new arts canteen! WOO HOO!!!! thai finally!! authentic cuisine!! :) tts gonna be my new hangout if prices are less steep.
so maybe schl wun be dat bad huh..

okies, off to enjoy my last carefree weekend!

2007-08-04T23:12:00.001+08:00

yay! met up wif enid :) glad she liked my cake!

went for service wif her.. pretty good service..

"Give careful thought to your ways" Hagai 1:5

pretty meaningful and a timely reminder, b4 schl starts.

nice foto at taka!

2007-07-31T22:34:00.001+08:00

up up and away on some DHL big helium balloon! got free tix to go up dere.. 7 min of steady breezes, 150 m in altitude! quite scary at first.. cos it sways!!

as u can see,my phototaking skills r not very good. the view is much nicer trust me! in fact, i was worried my cam wud drop and become killer litter man! after the balloon ride i bought a strap for my camera to alleviate those worries next time!

ok.. fotos!

2007-07-24T20:52:00.000+08:00

met up wif wendy today! thx for the sandwich toaster!! its my new toy now! haha so glad to haf her as a fren in nus!

so many things learnt this wk..

to the one whom i always laugh, scold , tease! thx for everything.. the joys, the wacky things, the many boring things (which i feel comfy wif), the sad things (fr which i learn to be a better person). truly God has blessed me.

everyday lived, no matter sad or happy, God is our source of hope and joy! yah, some days i feel like crap, lazy to wake up , school starting syndrome (blehz! i detest schl!), plua many other realities of life i dun really fancy.
despite these things, at times, i can feel a certain joy in my heart. itsindescr ibable, its not the elated bcos u found a new love kind of joy, but rather, peaceful hopeful joy tt cannot be rocked away. marvellous indeed!

keep clinging on to God! no stamina?? turn to God for more! watever despair, trials, tests, obstacles, the only way is to cling on and on and on and on and on!

yep, pretty fruitful wk as u can see!

2007-07-21T23:03:00.001+08:00

still recovering fr bkk trip! urghz! slp is nv enough these days. my eyes are like panda..!

haf been feeling pretty down at times, perhaps when the thing officialises. its juz sad.
the good times, the happy times, all memories now, of which i dun wish to keep seriously.the feeling kind of sucks.
but just as He has healed me b4, i haf faith that He would heal the broken ness again.. and i really admire my mum for being strong.

when I am...
weak You are strong
sad You are the all purpose balm (ok i made up this cheesy crude analogy but i tink its really true!)
dry You fill my cup
tired You lift me up

oh yes last wk was the first time i had lunch wif my uncle. it was kind of scary but i realised i haf grown up to be able to tok to him and hold a proper conversation during a meal. geezzzz... OLD HEN i am. :/

the rest of the wk has been slping, watching thai vcds (more like trying to decipher the thai), juz enjoying my home b4 schl starts!

still tired! boo hoo

2007-07-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

photos fr long ago!

at thai express wif mp and mich!

farewell at changi airport for mp

2007-07-20T16:39:00.000+08:00

back fr bangkok! wah it was ultra tiring! 8 days of shopping and walking and eating!
getting old man.. cannot even sustain!
yummy food (cheap and nice!)

best of all, i got to meet may! like finally after 2 yrs when i wanted to meet her in bkk! and the only few fotos i took.. busy shopping and no nice backdrop to take..

me and may at siam paragon! the paragon there is much bigger and nicer than over here..

ha actually dats the only foto worth uploading.. the other 5 fotos consist of some flower pasar malam (the bouquets are really nice and big! the market was set up outside a uni for the graduation ceremonies over a wk or sth.. ) a big durian and other crappy fotos la..

i wud definitely go back again to bkk, or any part in thailand!

2007-07-09T13:25:00.000+08:00

My bro became a papa bird for 2 days!! this is how the story goes..
he was walking to the bus stop and found this yellow baby bird perched on a low branch motionlessly and extremely vulnerable to cats and dogs and naughty boys!
so, being a kind hearted person, he decided to use tissue paper (clean freak he is) to bring this fur ball with flapping wings home. on the way home, the fur ball kept flapping his wings and my bro kept dropping him on the floor! (geez!)
anyway, this furball aka zen bird made it to my house safely!
i came home at nite and saw the box labelled zen and peered in and saw this mass of fur with no head at first! i tot it was some rubbish tt my bro had cleared fr his rm (u noe those aust koala bear souvenirs dat look grey and curled up! ) apparently zen bird sleeps wif his head tucked in so u see nothing but a mass of grey!
yeah, so this thing became my bro's liability, and he went even went online to check out how to take care of this fledgeling( a baby bird wif feathers and fur)
and den to our horror we realised we are not supposed to pick up such a bird bcos they lie low in the branch for fun and their parents will claim them back after awhile. instead, we are supposed to stand dere and shoo any bad boys or cats or dogs away! (geez! who has the time to stand at the bus stop to do dat?! )
so, since this bird was already back in our house, we had 2 options: put it back at the branch where it was sighted, or take care of it.

my bro chose to be its daddy! he fed it melon! its quite cute la.. it will open its beak when it seems some shadow of a hand looming ard.. and it chirps ultra LOUD! freaky i tell u...

i was half tempted to put my hamster in the zen box and see wat he does to the "it" zen bird ( no idea if its boy or girl) but of cos, seeing dat my hamster is strong and fat and nasty, it will probably bite zen bird cos zen bird is a baby!

yeah, anyway, bye to zen bird! it was brought to my bro's schl to be taken care by someone.. apparently zen bird was famished and almost dead despite my bro feeding it like 10 times a day and keep it warm wif tt green cloth! stupid bird! chirpy and hungry and annoying! but ok, to give it some credit, its pretty cute when it slps and u dun see tt freaky beak!

and this is my strawberry chiffon! its finally 75% chiffon after 20 over attempts!

2007-07-07T14:57:00.000+08:00

yes! no more work!!!!!! i finally haf hols to enjoy!
gg to bkk! can't wait!

i wanna thank God for...

the nice relaxing internship stint at pdm, mostly due to the wonderful fellow interns who are not annoyingly enthu, who are of my wavelenghth, and who are pretty funny frenly easygoing ppl!
the boss etc were also pretty ok, not those prim and proper unapproachable kind!

the nicer chiffon cakes and cheesecakes i haf baked!

the spare time and energy i haf to manage the house!

the times i spent wif my frens! old and new, still all equally impt!

the car dat comes in handy esp when there are like 4 nite lessons next sem! :/

better navigation skills now so dat i can drive myself to places as far as PS and forum! (yes, town is very scary for me to drive to.. drove to PS yest cos i was late and cud not find a parking lot at yck station! i was quite scared cos i was all alone, later lose my way i will panick for sure!)

you being tolerant and trying out my cakes and listening to me whine and complain and being on call 24/7!

many other things in my life.. a healthy heart (i hope!), a roof under my head, the ability to see, hear, touch, talk and feel, and the many wonderful ppl ard who care! be it family, family fren, frens fr schls, church, internship...

yes, life is abundant thr His grace. live it well!

2007-07-02T09:14:00.000+08:00

when all things that surround become shadows in the light of You..

its pretty amazing! God nv fails! yest afternoon i had this blurry impression of some song lyrics i came across that goes like "things becoming nothing compared to Him.."

and den during service, the lyrics (rite above) appeared through the song I worship You! that was the line i was tryin to recall!

truly, everything is brought to zilch in the light of Him!

oh yes, and on fri nite i was feeling pretty crummy.. and rude sarcastic tots were forming in my head to irritate or upset so and so.. but its pretty amazing, instead of mouthing those words out, i din! tt totally prevented a highly forseen tense situation, which i really thank God for! it was the work of Him in me tt prevented that outburst..

yes!! 3 more days to freedom!! cannot wait to bake, slp, slack,!!

2007-06-29T14:00:00.000+08:00

at internship.. besides taking fotos we haf nothing better to do la!

me and qin tian! the one who gave the precious moments puzzle!

this is brian's cubicle.. looks like a family portrait!

another portrait!

roof top garden we din noe about till yest! 24th floor quite cool!

ok.. we seriously did some work.. like the baby at the back! its our project notice board!!

2007-06-29T13:54:00.001+08:00

photos! at indochine.. belated bday dinner!

2007-06-24T00:13:00.000+08:00

bday fotos! thx really to these guys who made my bday so sweet!

my intern frens who surprised me wif a green tea cheese cake!! they noe i love everything green/green teaish and they spent one day looking for a cake! den i was blur enough to not realise they were walking into a cake shop to buy me a cake!! brian my intern fren told me he was meeting his fren at commonwealth and when we walked into the cake shop i tot his fren was a baker in the shop! den he collected the cake order and said no need candles so i tot he bought the cake for his family! den back in our office tower lounge he took out candles he koped fr his baker mum!! awesome and sweet frens i haf!! considering i only knew them for 5 wks plus!

precious moments jigsaw tt qt fixed for me! she spent one wk doing it!! its so sweet and nice! :)

actual day! 2306

me and belle! nice shot! finally can spend my bday wif her after like 5 yrs! heh... we haf both grown up finally!!! but its nice to reminise bout the different shopping centres where we did dumb stuff!
she was sweet enough to acc me to the medical check up early in the morn!

surprise cake cutting in church at nite!! really so touched!!

its barney's bday too! haha me + cake+ barney! the church youths decided on barney theme for my bday!! haha i feel so young at heart! its pretty cute.. barney floats wif helium he is hovering ard my room as i type! he was my front seat passenger when i drove back!

my cg who bought the cake + jon who bought barney! muz bake sth for jon already his bday was only 3 days earlier than mine!

church youths onesimus!! vibrant and lively bunch!! they were the ones who decided on barney theme

2007-06-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

BY GOD"S GRACE...............

i had a wonderful 21st bday!!! wif my intern frens a few das ago, wif belle, wif ivan, wif my church youths + cell group!!

i am alive, fit, kicking, healthy!

i have a nice mummy and bro!!

i have you to tolerate my nonsense which others dun see!!!

i have a wonderful circle of frens who remembered my bday!
thx to those who smsed/gave me presents/met up wif me!!

:)

2007-06-19T15:13:00.000+08:00

wah!! shoik to stay in at home after routine work daily!! (yes i was bad and lazy enough to pon work)

but ...

i really LOve HOme! can be housewife and bake whole day like today!!!

haha baked like 7 sponge cakes from sunday to today..super hard!!! 1st 2 tries fail totally inedible.. next 2/3 tries very wet.. 6th try finally getting somewhere (its texture is like the jap cheesecake).. 7th try still being baked!

ate cakes daily!! :/ but its nice cos its green tea!! anything green tea i will nv haf enough of it!!

wah if i can take up a career in baking i wud!!

maybe i shud if the sand ban continues plus steel ban etc etc huh?!

ok, checking my cake now!!

2007-06-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

sappy post rite ahead.. warning first!

sad to say, today, being fathers day,aint very good..

din go for service cos i noe its like a father's day special service with tributes to appreciate fathers, and i din want to feel like crap tinking bout my own circumstances. and how horrible he treated his wife. well, i noe i shud not run away but face it wif God but i cudn't in the end. its harder than juz saying it.

and well, dangerously enough, while driving, my eyesight went blurry wif tears for a brief few minutes..

maybe it was the sappy song..
maybe it was because i was all alone lost in my tots.

i gotta keep holding on to the almighty Father..

and yes, next mothers and fathers day i will pray for those without fathers or mothers definitely.

2007-06-13T11:27:00.000+08:00

wah.. long hiatus!!

its been awhile since i did anything significant or interesting :/ life is somewhat mundane

my bro and mum are gg bangkok this fri! so fun!

i like this song dat plays on repeat in my car
very meaningful!!
nothing much to say, but i gotta learn to trust and seek Him more..

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hand
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone
......................

My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

inspiring song really!!

2007-06-05T08:19:00.000+08:00

back to blog!

wah yest was spring cleaning 8 yrs worth of dust.. super dirty!! the dust comes in balls, cannot even vacuum..

finally the double decker is gone!! someone came to dismantle it..

now i haf no bed frame.. juz lying on the bed which is laid on the floor. time to order a bed!!
maybe will go to ikea dur lunch time! exciting! (di -- FINAlly!! haha)

wah was reading my bro's blog.. sob sob so touched sia!! i muz try to be a nicer and less mean sis already.. feel quite bad cos i always lose my cool and scold him 24/7, and yet he still wants to help me clean my room yest! wat a nice little bro!
but ok la i enjoy stirring up meals for ppl and driving.. its great to be a housewife really! beats using my brain.. hahaha

anyway driving aint dat scary anymore! and i am expert at parking now! hahaha provided its not crowded wif cars.
but seriously, thank God for safe traveling so far, and not disastrous parking.

can't wait for internship to end! one more mth! den its off to thailand!! yay!!!!

2007-05-29T08:40:00.000+08:00

wah.. its been 4 days of driving.. scary at times!! i dun like to be driver already la.. someone drive me betteR!! but ok, its good to save travelling journey to and fro when i work at hq..
so sad.. my poor car kena dented under the bumper cos i striked the concrete wall in the carpark!! poor car.. muz repair already. its barely one wk old! :/

muz explore spore roads slowly and navigate my way around.. now i only noe the routes to bishan, sengkang, buona vista and nus..and of cos the bus routes dat i used to take..

oh yes mich!! my car is parked at the car park next to ur block la ( blk 12/12 A.. across the rd)..
u free rite? can go for a morning walk in the car park and spy on my car! haha its white..

oh finally lunched wif belle yest..nice seeing belle, and she brought us to ghim moh market to eat.. haha we both decided we are home-ish ppl and wud like to be housewives. but i was telling her God has a greater purpose for her than juz being home bound..

wow its been almost 3 wks since i haf interned! left 5 more wks!!

faster come july!!

2007-05-24T11:57:00.000+08:00

one nite, someone woke up specially in the wee hours of the nite to watch soccer.. 30 min into the match, the 19yr old TV went kaboom! it blew la.. screen blew no more image only has funny sounds.
finally! my home tv can be upgraded to one wif vcd plug-ins!! haha.. by the way, dat someone is not me, its my bro!
to tink he has prelims today! boys and soccer.. hai.

its been another wk dat has passed! as belle says, life is routine now. wake eat work slp take bus/mrt watch tv..
whole day on the comp i wonder how everyone's eyes can tahan.

ok, but the site visits are pretty interesting!! at least can waste time!!

and deres public holiday next thu!! finallY! cannot imagine how working ppl take it.. no more one mth holidays!!

its been a pretty tense wk at home tho.. dunno why oso. but i tink i almost became nasty a few times, but thank God He calmed me down, and those irritated/angry feelings disappeared. in fact, the reverse happened, i even apologized, when minutes ago, i felt like the other party was in the wrong. so yes, God can give u this calming balm to soothe ur hot heart.

ok, count down to lunch: 20 min!

2007-05-18T16:49:00.000+08:00

booooooooooooooooo! bored! BOREd!

wah its been ages since i updated.. cos of the looooong working hours!! 830 - 6pm is totally sapping i tell u.. tho its very sedentary.. whole day sit at the comp and research 30% of the time, slack 70% of the time. thank God i haf 2 other interns wif me.. if not i will be more bored!!

boredom aside, its pretty cool oso! go for meetings to develop/upgrade schls.. quite an eye-opener. today was the most entertaining! we went down to a jc for some meeting.. ha the ppl at the meeting very funny! broken wristed head of the schl!

oh yes! and baby's arriving next thu! its name is suzuki swift, skin colour is white!! :)
but no place to park at my workplace.. lame.. so i tink i can only park it at home.

okok ran out of inspiration already! count down to knock off time: 30 min
apparently the last weekday is knock off early at 530pm.. not 6pm. 3o min a bit lame rite??!!
ok but we are all still very happy bout it!!!

2007-05-06T15:36:00.001+08:00

praise God for an answered prayer!!!!!

:) :)

2007-05-03T07:42:00.000+08:00

yay! its over!!

but the uncertainty looms ahead wif regards to the performance :/ got a bad feeling bout this exam. gotta trust in Him

can 1.5 yrs ever feel like 1.5 mths???

the answer is yes! :)

and thank God it din rain this morning! it had been pouring for the past few days every morning! den i prayed bout it yest, and really it was as dry as a desert today! heh

gg to town today! finally to shop n walk in peace, w/o deadlines/projects/revision at the back of my head..
miss many things like my green tea milk shake!

and belle!! our baking stint! when?! smsed u a wake up sms this morn!!

2007-04-29T15:37:00.000+08:00

BORED

i am nv gonna go into the qs field if i can ever help it!! seriously, my hair will turn white by 35 if i look at drawings day in day out.

n this paper sucks cos its gonna be pretty weird and tough (considering wat little experience we haf), and i am absolutlely helpless bout it cos i cannot study for it!!!!
lame!!

on to a better life..............

can't wait for wed to come, for the new car!

can't wait to go to church! wah i feel like its been yrs since i went, tho i juz merely missed last wk's.

can't really say i am looking forward to internship, but ok once i do it this yr next yr no need.
i can rest dur my last vacation of my life!!

can't wait for my 21st bday.
NO i was kidding, i dun want to turn 21. i want to be in never never land!!

hai, feel pretty perturbed by some stuff. to do, yet not willing, but i noe its right to do.
muz wait upon the Lord.

oh and haha i can't wait for ketchup session wif di!!! :)
plus attempting to blade after i get my car wif di!!

2007-04-28T07:38:00.000+08:00

wah!! its been a hectic wk seriously!! 4 papers in 5 days.. plus another impt thing on my free day..

but thank God really for 2 incidents!

thank God for His blessings on thu from bca.. tho all is not 100% confirmed. :)
kind of argued wif my mum over it also, but thank God all is ok now, and i get the green light.
but still praying bout it, its a major decision.

thank God too for fri's paper..
u see, i happily forgot tt 9am paper means i muz leave my house at like 7am?? cos there are like 4 or 5 traffic jams fr here all the way to ulu west Singapore.. but stupid me happily left at 715am, and i had heart attack throughout the whole bus rides.. cos i din noe if i cud make it so the exam hall by 9am (must count walking etc), and i was sure it was hard to get a cab at any location dur peak hr la..
so on bus 74, i was praying a few times dat i wun be late.

amazingly, 151 was right behind 74 when i alighted, so i promptly changed buses without waiting a single second! dat was the determinant in making me arrive at 855 am at the exam venue!

seriously, i was pretty relieved, and all glory to God!

but ya, lesson learnt, 9am papers are a tricky thing.. muz muz leave early!

can finally take a breather ......BREATHE b4 my last paper on 2nd may

bahh.. but i haf got internship soon after.. muz start buying working clothes. :/
waste of money considering the not so significant allowance i get fr the internship.

oh another :( thing, my hamster bit me! dat hungry freak tot my finger was a carrot? lame

okok nothin much to blog about already, i haf been living like a nerd hermit for many days.

enid! whens our date?! tag or sms!!

2007-04-22T08:16:00.000+08:00

its been a nice wk!! why?? cos theres no schl!! i like study weeks , cos i can stay home watch tv do wat i want at my own time, own target.

grrr.. but sadly its come to an end today. tmr got paper already!!!!!!!! :( :( :(

but u noe i juz realised its pretty fast.. u juz do one paper and u are done wif the whole module. unlike As where u have like wat?? 5 papers for physics and chem etc??

so by next wk, i wud be 80% done wif the exams. pretty fast!

well din intend to blog cos nothing much to say.. but this morning He was with me really!

u see i haf become the unofficial cook and handyman and future driver at home..
and yesterday the kitchen light was spoilt.. tink some part of the starter came loose.. so i took the other working light out to check it out.. but den i tot i broke dat connection too! so both lights seemed conked out last nite.. i was pretty sian.. cos kitchen no light very very jialat!!
this morn i was juz trying again.. anyhow screw the connections in.. anyhow turn here and dere.

and there was light!!!

and i really anyhow try my luck..

so obviously it was not my luck, it was really Gods hand in it!

so now i am happy dat i can cook in light again!

(:

2007-04-15T20:33:00.000+08:00

amazing!

dur worship at church today, we sang In Moments Like These!! He is truly a living God who heard my heart sing dat day on de bus!!

the sermon touched my heart too, toking bout joy fr Christ being in us, and how we shud not compare/envy ppl.
its an issue dat i find myself constantly dealing wif..

gotta keep tinking of the higher purpose in life, dat is to glorify Him and exalt Him.
this is so related to wat i blogged bout in the previous entry, bout exam performance being His will, not mine..

amazing i must repeat!!

In moments like these,
I sing out a song,
I sing out a love song to Jesus

In moments like these,
I lift up my hands,
I life up my hands to the Lord.

Singing I love you Lord, Singing I love you Lord, Singing I lo..ve You Lord, I lo..ve You.

I got the full lyrics. beautiful song :)

well... tho i may feel inferior/lousy at times in a humanly way to others, i noe God is watching, and i have God. dat alone is the best source of joy, everything else in this world pales in comparison really..and its defnitely irreplaceable. .

i pray dat my frens n loved ones can share this joy in His time.

2007-04-13T19:10:00.000+08:00

tink i haf been pretty pensive this wk, especially cos my wireless was spoilt/corrupted since monday. my mums fren came for 3 consecutive nites to fix it.. staying till bout 11plus pm.. wah.. very tired cos muz stay up n wake at 550am daily.. tired chris = grouchy chris!
ya n was not in a very good mood too cos exams coming, den dere was rubbishy schl to attend.. more lessons than last wk.. grrrr
plus some disagreement which thank God has been solved

all add up to a not so good wk really

these evil anxiety pangs were swallowing me dur yest's journey home.. anxious bout exams prep n the papers..

but den this song suddenly popped into my head

In moments like these
I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus....
..................
singing I love you Lord, singing I Lo..ve You... Lord..

cannot remember the rest of the song.

but it suddenly occured to me dat yes, in moments such as my down n sian moments, I must continue to trust and seek Him. somehow, when i tink of this, i dun feel so down n sian anymore. not like i am on cloud 9, but there is this inner peace within for a few moments.

not my will, but Your will.
not by my might, but by Your might.

i tink i gotta rely on Him during this stressful exam period, more than any semesters b4..watever happens during the exams, i will commit them unto Him.

when I am weak, He is strong.

2007-04-09T18:56:00.000+08:00

ultra super duper frustrated n irritated n pissed !!!

my comp is yet to be fixed tho i brought it to de com centre in schl :(
de person cannot be bothered to do a good job. such attitude sucks seriously..

i dislike ppl lying to me, a lie, no matter how small or big, is still deception..
it hurts more when someone u trust does dat, dun u tink? de feeling u get is sucky beyond description.

sigh i dunno if i am angry, or hurt, or both.

de worst u can get is a lethal combi of de above 2..

i shud stop being so useless n cry buckets, cos no one wud even bother anyway, even de one who antagonised.
u tink i like picking a fight for de kick of it? obviously not. i haf other matters to attend to, n i cannot help it if it comes at de wrong time. dere is no such thing as a good time to fight.. usually, both sides are involved n to be responsible for de cause of a fight ok.

2007-04-08T14:33:00.000+08:00

so sad.. my laptop wireless died on me.. :( muz bring to nus to repair tmr.. using my bro's laptop now..

de past few days were pretty relaxing.. get to rest at home n zzzzz more! good stuff. i miss slping w/o using de alarm clock..

i was juz tokin to dis fren who lives near me.. saying dat i cud drive him next time to nus.. n i happened to mention bout things at home ( n hence de new car u see). he felt pretty bad n said sorry bout it. i din noe wat to say at first.. but i juz typed out - God is gracious..

well- said rite?? cos its definitely not wat i wud haf written considering my lousy linguistic skills.. i tink it was de work of God dat made me type dat.

indeed, God is gracious.. dis neighbour of mine offered to help me do manly stuff if i needed help! haha i was pretty touched by such an act of kindness.. de act of offering is already good enuff considering i haf spoken to him less than 10 times. and no, he does not haf any other motives.. (lest ppl tink and tink, he is happily attached.)

n of cos, God is gracious in providing me wif many frenz (loveable, cute, funny, nice, kind, caring etc) .. really appreciate those acts of kindness, thr sms n msn (asking hows things, offering help etc), prayer, asking me out, listening to me, de list goes on.

yet, despite acknowldeging God's grace in issues suc as above, sometimes i feel so perturbed by other issues. i dunno y too,perhaps i am juz picky/fussy/demanding.. n i gotta accept ppl for who dey are. but honestly, i tot such things were not gg beyond de call of duty.. but out of instinct, love n kindness. obviously i cannot force or impose, but i dunno y it requires so much out of a person.

not making sense? prob not..

sigh its ok, its between me and dis blog.

2007-04-05T07:49:00.000+08:00

life's been pretty relaxed this wk.. only had schl on mon and wed! good stuff..

and yest was pretty good too.. finally got to catch a meal wif wen ( after dunno how many wks).. good stuff too!

schl's ending!! lame.. exams are coming :/
end of yr 2!! yr 3 coming !! so old liao

oh yes anyway i am gg bangkok in july!! hehe haha hehe
but i tink i lost touch wif my thai la.. :/

hai, feeling pretty frustrated wif certain things... duno how to react oso. i seem to haf lost it...

2007-03-31T10:25:00.000+08:00

wah!! its end of march already!! this past wk zoomed by.. with classes and all..
well today can finally chill out and go slow! haha i finally took a nap at 8plus am.. havent done dat for this whole wk.. considering i wake up at 6am??

anyway, i haf this major thanksgiving to share -

i was pretty stressed out cos hafta do housework ( some of it) and den buy groceries, food etc.. den i take 1.5 hrs on the average to travel to schl.. no good days wud be 2 hrs.. good days cud be 1hr 20 mins.. well, at least this sem the timetables pretty slack.. timing is juz alrite.

however, i was quite worried and tot of giving up taking thai 3 already, since it takes up 6 hrs a wk. how to afford the time??? cos travelling takes up like 3-4 hrs a day???

ya, den that very day my mum smsed me and said she was contemplating buying a car!!!!
i tot she was not dat serious.. but well my uncle brought me to the showroom, and she booked it yest!! its a modest mini suzuki swift! :)

well, i muz emphasize dat its not really a car bought for me.. its cos i am the only one wif licence dats y i get to drive it la! its a family car meant for better mobility, since now 3 of us at home haf to take cab/bus/mrt daily. yep, so on top of doing housework, i gotta drive my mum, bro ard too!!

so thank God for this wonderful gift bought at a reasonable price.. and for being ever merciful to us, and for not closing the door of taking thai3!!

thank God too tt the car is coming latest end of May..
in a nice shade of white!

2007-03-22T09:00:00.000+08:00

i feel really touched. touched by my aunt and uncle's kindness.. they haf been shuttling up and down to come to my house to fix many things ( including door knobs dat were spoilt cos someone banged it like mad).. bringing their electrician fren to check the oven, (and den delivering new microwave and conventional ovens) bringing their door knob fren.. finding the elusive door knob.. ( after 3rd try on the door den it cud fit!) finding a part time maid, helping to mop iron and clean up dur this period, bringing some food... on top of tt, their daily prayers..

and to tink some ppl still accuse my aunt of being a poison woman, for wanting revenge, and being vicious. more nasty things said, but i shall not elaborate.. some ppl are juz self deluded fools.

thank God really for my aunt and uncle.. they haf been pur pillar of support, and i tink me and my bro still need adults ard ( to fix the doors, find a part time maid, buy ovens) so thank God really dat tho we are alone at home, we enjoy and love the freedom, and yet we get 24hrs help fr them.

and of cos, i am really proud of my little bird aka my bro!! hes really endearing.. helping to wash the dishes, do the laundry, gg to schl on his own, and praising my breakfast made for him! i tink we haf learnt the art of complementing each other, or more like i haf learnt the art of noeing wat he eats and likes. i am like some housewife now.. buying things very frequently from NTUC and some neighbourhood supermarket very popular wif aunties cos its cheap ( called Ang Mo supermarket.. haha de name is very hialarious!) making and steaming and grilling and frying things for the little bird. pretty fun and good to destress actually!

well, my mum is coming back on sunday! and i am glad to say dat my house aint an earthquake site yet.. no major disastor.. its spick and span, in better order than when the others were staying in my house.

thank God for this calm and cool spirit He has given me, instead of complaining and all, i can actually thank His grace and blessings. beautiful and amazing indeed!

2007-03-21T07:54:00.000+08:00

it was nice meeting up wif enid yest! hehe.. tho i was a little sian ( sorry leh! i was really very xian to shop at first la.. too long nv go shopping liao).. glad she was patient enough to tahan my moodiness.. den after drinking some tea and sitting at mos burger i was fine already! glad we cud tok bout anything..and be honest and feel comfy wif each other! and yes pls reserve 2nd of may for me if u are free!! happy dat u liked the bear too ( a very belated bday present.. sry!)

heres me and enid! haha the foto quite not nice la.. it was weirdly taken in mos burger.. cos she bring camera when we were at like j8?!! haha funny la

2007-03-18T11:32:00.000+08:00

i realised how this verse is so impt, meaningful, and necessary. esp more so when i am down, stressed, sian etc.

我的心你要称颂耶和华,不可忘记祂的恩惠

psalms 103: 1 - 2

2007-03-17T12:50:00.000+08:00

wah i dunno to be amused or wat.. my bro killed the microwave oven yest morn.. my uncle delievered a new one. den.. i wanted to grill some fish nuggets in the convectional oven.. den poof short circuit! and i freaked out and din noe how to deal wif the circuit board.. and din noe wat switch to turn on! essential skills dat i haf picked up these few days man. so 2 ovens gone, tv a bit blurry cos of the short circuit i tink.. anyway it 19 yrs old. my mum is gonna be shocked when she gets back.

well.. but things are a little better.. adapting to doing some household chores. thank God for the good part time maid.. she is really good at scrubbing! muz learn fr her!

no longer feeling so distracted, lost, drifty from God.

thank God for sustaining me, for the strength.

and i love my bro too!! he is quite a darling lor.. noeing how scared of dirt he is.. i was pretty heartened dat he was willing to empty the thrash and wash some clothes!

as a reward.. i made konnyaku jelly for him!

haha okok.. actually its for myself oso..

and oh yes of cos for some jelly monster oso!

okok.. off to eat it

yummy

2007-03-11T20:18:00.000+08:00

ok i feel less sad.. was really touched by those who offered to help me out at home. seriously, touched beyond words. thx to u, and to belle! :) thx to God for such nice ppl

thx too to the rest who showed their concern, asked bout things.

did laundry, ironing ( pretty unsucessful), cleaned a few toilet tiles, cabinets, toilet bowl. bought some essentials for household chores, and best of all.. i fixed the light! wow.. muz climb ladder to reach the lamp, remove the cover in a precarious position ( it was glass! was afraid i wud topple and drop it) and den fix the flourescent tube. phew.. it was done in a jiffy

2007-03-11T16:23:00.000+08:00

:( :( :(

too sian to even go church, dat is bad really. too sian to do anything.

its been a loooong time since i felt this way.

sigh, i gotta pick myself up really soon.

2007-03-10T16:25:00.000+08:00

i nv wanted this to happen, but it happens for a reason. i was looking back at the way i prayed.. i was asking God for a way out, to release me from the daily trauma i go thr.. ( it sucks sharing a room wif someone who is depressed, sunken, aneroxic.. it sucks facing her daily seriously)

perhaps this is the way out.. i am really relieved dat i need not come home to a stressful warzone anymore, i can tok openly and freely to my mum, she can leave her door open without feeling scared or getting iverbal abuse. i can finally rest rightfully in a home.

of cos, i am sad too that things haf to turn out liddat.. no one ever wants to leave thier family, or haf their family broken up. i mean i was gg to cry when my granny cried and hugged me and say i muz take care of my bro.. but oso i feel so angry wif her for being so biased and refusing to listen to any rationales, put simply, the truth. i feel so wronged for my mum, when she din even say a thing or hint to kick both of them out.. (they did it voluntarily) and yet my grandma accuses her of every possible thing, and says she wil tell the whole world dat her daughter in law force her out and to commit suicide..

n guess wat? it was already planned dat 2 rooms be rented out(one for him one for his mum).. they were merely using my aunt and mum as convenient excuses to move out.. so tt they can blame them.
sigh..

how fallible men are really.

and this is juz the tip of the iceberg.

the whole war drama lasted 3 hrs.. 1000 decibels..

i feel........

tired/shaken

but, i feel God too. all the more i need Him, all the more I can taste His goodness, providence and grace.
as my uncle says, God still has a hand in this, despite the rubbish things we are gg thr. all we gotta do is let go, trust, find peace in Him.

pls pray for my uncle and aunty's safety if u can.. cos the one living out dere is very violent ( even at my house juz now, wanted to whack both of them).. and threaten to kill/burn their church. and impulsive ppl are unpredictable, so pls pray for their health and safety and protection. thx

for now, i muz start doing housework again.. hai

2007-03-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

it din seem too long ago.........

still sometimes haunted by this shadow..

:/

2007-03-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

:) thank GOD indeed for yest's site visit!!!! (:

for the good weather ( i have been observing tt it pours every afternoon, but it din yest!)

for the nic,helpful,conscientious engineers who brought us to every part of the site till we were dead tired, and when he wanted to bring us to some more, we kindly declined cos we were really tired!!! they really bothered to explain everything even without us asking, and even brought us down to the heart of the basement construction! yes, under the earth literally, where we were face to face wif marine clay ( some kind of soil beneath the earth dat is excavated to create a hole to form the basement!)

for the wonderful eye-opening experience, it was literally lessons coming to live.. seeing the machines, the real basement being excavated!

of cos, for God's grace n abundant blessings after weeks of prayer regarding this site visit and project. i was pretty worried b4 we embarked on this case study, but b4 the site visit, i nv expected such a rich and fulfilling trip!! thank God indeed for his double blessings, for granting us a site, plus a site visit tt was more than we cud ask for!

my project mate took like 106 fotos la!

oh yes, and we had to wear construction gear aka phua chu kang gear!! boots/helmet/vest!! we looked like dumb dumbs!

this is the marine clay being dug out!

this is what a basement construction is like! the hole is supported by those metal supports.

we went beneath those supports, rite into the basement hole! a view from the basement hole!

yep, while blogging, i realised too tt i muz not give credit to God dur good times, but give credit to Him all the time. He is good all the time! tho many days are not as fruitful, exciting as my site visit, all praise and honour still goes to Him each min, hour tt i breathe. this includes the mundane days ahead of dull depressing work, days dat i dislike..

thank you God for everything! the good, and also the not so eventful, not so good things..

2007-03-03T16:20:00.000+08:00

wow, its been a wk since i last posted! this wk passed really fast, cos it was packed wif lessons! siann..

well, but i still thank God for being wif me, esp for my con tech project. my grp was pretty slow in progress, cud not find a company to leach on to do our project.. and it was already after mid term break! yeah, i was praying bout it since mid term break started.. and praying, n still praying when schl resumed. thank God really! finally this guy fr a company called us, after 2/3 days of anxiety.. and he was very nice and helpful too! God is always wif us, even when we do work!! so we are gg down to the site this monday.. finally!

oh yes, and i finally made a proper conversation wif this coursemate of mine who lives down the street.. found out she is in crusade! i finally qualify as her fren! haha ( wen u shud noe why!!! )

next wk is gonna be a free-er wk, wif no tutorials! good!! i feel unrested and unnerved from this crazy week! time to slow down a little, and smell the roses along the way..

2007-02-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

was toying wif the idea of ponning today's lect.. but i am glad i din! i was quite sian really, cos i din haf enough hols, and i dun want to go to the LT!

well, i decided to see if i cud wake up on time w/o the alarm clock, and i did! and i din regret gg to schl, cud see mae and wen! hehe made my schl day less sian and siannnnnnnn

been perturbed bout sth recently, but well, i juz gotta leave it to God.. God will make a way..
i've gotta be less emotionally involved.

i've been tinking too much bout unnecessary stuff these days, things tt shud not be occupying my head, cos they make me sad only.
rather than feeling unhappy and questioning why when its all in the past, i shud look back and give thanks for the grace,mercy and blessings upon me fr God really. He satisfies everything, He satisfies my desires..
i was pretty moved dat day dat i actually teared a little! moved by wat? God's amazing love.. tts really amazing cos i dun tear when i am touched. only when i am angry/frustrated..
so God is really amazing! amazing to move my heart of rock, and i believe He wud move the heart of rock to others too. in His time of cos

2007-02-24T11:50:00.000+08:00

wah its saturday already! almost end of term break, not much of a break actually..
been having many nitemares.. ruined my sleep.. dreamt dat my hamster got eaten by a small sparrow! :( many others too.. lazy to describe cos dreams are nonsensical.

its been a insignificant week really, nothing learnt, and i seem to haf drifted away fr God. hai..

some other things haf been clouding my head too..

anyway, went to golden mile yest! for thai project.. wah i really wish i can work in thailand next time! who wanna come wif me??

well, tho this wk has been not very fulfilling, i noe i gotta persist in my journey wif Him, and continue to trust in Him.. at the end of the day, its not wat i learnt dat matters, but rather, the heart and love for Him dat matters..

2007-02-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

happy happy new yr!

well, nothing new this new yr, no new clothes oso. :/ tot i was not visiting la.. so din bother buying. in the end, my mum decided dat we shud visit, and i was clothed in lousy chalet clothes! geez.. felt pretty underdressed.

hah today sth hilarious happened! some ACCURATE shooter threw a piece of wet tissue paper into my mouth!!! wah .. i was juz throwing the tissue around and opened my mouth for fun la.. and it really went in!! geez. tasted like... green tea (cos its green tea tissue)

oh yes, and this weird project mate of mine.. me and my fren decided to ask him to join us cos he was asking around over ivle forum.. DUNNO HOW HE LOOKS LIKE.. but he sure is a one of a kind person!! he typed sawatdiikhrap via ivle forum, and since me and my fren are doing on thai food.. we assumed he noes thai lor..

to my horror, he noes nothing more than SAWATDIIKHRAP. .....................................

geez, funny guy i tell u.. almost pulled out my hair tryin to explain things to him online!!

wonder how he looks like. oh well, but as mae said, as long as he does his work well, its alrite. juz tahan, cos anyway, no one is perfect. haha but he is hilariously weird.

okok back to cny, well, nothing much really. the usual routine of not recognising my relatives, or seeing the changes in them la.. either ageing, or growing taller.. haha the cousins ah.. still as childish and silly and noisy la.
but ok i still love them! quite cute la the youngest one.. only 6.. quite adorable.

once u are past 10, no more cuteness like a koala bear.

oh yes, the cousins are still as greedy as ever la! see food only eat!

ok, tts bout it for my festive season. everything else pales in comparison to my yummy food! hehe see.. greed runs in the blood..

2007-02-14T15:09:00.000+08:00

surprise surprise!! my bday!!

surprise surprise! our bday!

truth be told, this cake was baked by me!! the candle for wat? i oso dunno.. its juz to make the cake look nicer! by the way, its a green tea cake! heh yummy

ok toking bout cakes.. haf u seen such a huge cake b4? haha obviously its not baked by me.. its a fren's bday cake

and to whom does the cake belong to???

haha.. the one who took care of smithy while i was away! i'm sure smithy wud haf loved to nibble at ur cake...heh

ok enough cakey entries!

2007-02-10T20:52:00.000+08:00

yay! got new presents today! thx :) rak khun maak!

ate some thai buffet today too :) good stuff! cheapcheap! for 12.80, it beats any hotel buffet man!

it was nice toking to enid on the phone too! :) glad to make her feel a bit more encouraged! smile more la!

it was nice seeing my frens in nus too! belle, mich, steph ( who blur blur asked me wat i doing ard LT 11 when we both take the same lect/module!).. oh yes, and of cos frens in my own building fac too. yes, for those who do not know STILL.. i am doing a degree in building ok!! not real estate! haha n HBL was really rather nice dat day.. she held the door for me to enter ( cos dat door need matric card to scan den can enter).. wah made my day. hehe

aiyah, tok bout thai, i miss thai! booo..

oh yes, tryin to find green tea powder! so elusive! anyone noes where???

oh yes, another thing to boo about, i kena a bruise on my wrist lor! got abused by the someone who bought me new stuff today!! its really abuse! cos he squeeze my wrist too hard wif his grubby big fat fingers! :/

i tink i shud haf more time management skills.. been wasting away my time.. no good.. wheres the discipline? hai, i feel like i am losing steam even when it comes to doing qt. no good.. gotta brace myself up a little..

quite a few concerns in my head as well.. too much to type, too hard to express.

maybe i am juz born a worrier and melancholic

2007-02-07T22:13:00.000+08:00

its quite sad/disappointing/discouraging to witness so many incidents ard me.. incidents dat serve to remind me of this lost,fallen world.. of the unkind,un-nice,greedy,selfish and the likes of human nature. these incidents are close to my heart really, cos of the proximity at which i witness them. obviously i noe the characters in the incidents.

sometimes such situations put me in a big sticky fix, cos i feel sad to lose a precious frenship dat i built up.. and i noe such a fren is really nice deep down. its juz dat i haf no chance to tok to this fren anymore, n my heart really aches.

i really value good, sincere frenships, not those kind of "useful, practical" type.

its seriously depressing to see zilch chance of toking personally to a fren, no thx to the unfrenly circumstances.. i wud so love to tok and continue building up that wonderful frenship..but absolutely no oppurtinity. sigh.

but really, despite such a situation, i am reminded dat He is above all.. and i thank Him for His constant guidance and leading thr out this situation.. for sustaining me to stand firm in Christ, in truth, and to stick to wat is good, faithful, and necessary.

tho i may bemoan the loss of sth, but i still thank God for other good sincere frenships, for helping me in times of need, for satisfying my thirst, for seeking me in this lost, fallen world.. i can only hope and pray for the situation for now..

2007-02-04T13:03:00.000+08:00

wow!! cool stuff.. found this anklet i wore as a baby. gold one!! haha next time give my baby.. if he/she is not fatter than me ( as said by someone)..

wah.. but i like such childhood/babyhood things.. sentimental value tt cannot be bought. gives me this sense of closeness to my past.. at least i haf sth to feel and touch fr my old baby times other than photos!

anyway..yest was quite a bad day.. actually the past 3 days haf been low, lower, lowest. din noe how i was gonna lead my bro's cell grp yest evening really.. cos my mood was seriously ruined and i was tryin hard not to cry.. if not eyes swollen not a very nice sight in front of my youths.

but wow.. as i was reflecting upon the cell grp session yest..i thank God for the uplifting joy the youths had.. so much so dat i 4got bout my frustrations.. and juz blended into the energetic and vibrant mood the youths naturally haf.. haha they are quite an amusing/hilarious bunch!

and den when the time came to be serious, (worship time), it was really amazing how God worked and how they juz waited upon Him and tot bout the worship song lyrics.. hope they managed to learn sth!

oh yes, i was sharing wif my cashew fren (the one who is gg australia soon) bout service in church..playing the piano.. cos she is really good in music! i was telling her bout my lack of confidence and skill in it.. and she agreed to teach me! thx for ur help and other advice too (:
so sad dat she is leaving her cashew area for better green fields in aust! i will miss her!!

yay! meeting belle soon (i hope) knowing how we always fail to meet due to unforseen circumstances...to bake (??) and buy some stuff for some day for some ppl.. i really hope we cud meet. haha

okok.. off to church soon.. BYE BYE !

2007-02-01T15:40:00.000+08:00

was on the bus on tue.. and it hit the nj bus stop at 810pm.. its the time when nj ppl end their ccas and board their buses to hurry home! cos u are smelly and sweaty.. dyin to go home and bathe and haf dinner. wow.. and i met my track jnr on the bus! (she's still in nj not cos she flunk her exams so many times! but cos she is one of those genius IP kids)

i started reminiscing bout the nj days unknowingly.. its been 3 yrs since i got out! wah.. time seriously flies.. cos when i first knew my jnr i was 18.. and now she is like 18 too! nv realised dat she wud hit j2 so soon.

its as if i was j2 not dat long ago..so many things happened, good and better. shan't say any bad things happened, cos thr everything, God has His best plans for me. i dun really noe if i was happy in nj, cos the happiness was built shallowly and obviously, was short-lived. i dun tink i wud want to go back to nj days, cos i was a really different person.. dun tink i wud haf liked myself very much if i cud make frens wif myself in j2.

so wat haf i been doing these 3 yrs?! wah honestly i dun recall much, or dun haf much to reminise bout..but all i can say is dat i have seen God working in my life, and dat is all i need to remember and noe..

the lessons i haf learnt, very invaluable and precious..

2007-01-28T20:21:00.000+08:00

its been a nice wk, really.. peaceful n not very depressing!!

went to the beach to walk like (5oom only!!) den went to the cool clean shopping center..cos SOME nature freak wanted to go get some sea breeze.. i was semi hoping it wud pour and thunder! but its ok, its rewarding to get a green tea shake after the walk!!

its been a wk of witnessing the realness and closeness of God.to see how prayers have been beautifully answered in many ways.. awesome! one story wud be this...

since the start of sem, i was quite sure i wud be pretty free and slack cos of the timetable, and i was busily looking for a tuition job to keep myself occupied, make myself laze less at home la! wah.. i called like at least 10 agents, but no suitable jobs.. got chinese job.. pri2 (?!!) job etc.. no good at all. i oso offered my teaching services to my church youngsters (sec3/4) cos i like teaching upper sec.. but no one responded oso.. cos they haf their own tuition.

meanwhile, i was praying bout it, for God to give me a suitable one if He wants me to teach.

wah.. then one sunday, after service, this boy samuel (who was taught by some church member previously) asked me for help! and its on a weekly basis.. the stable tuition job kind. amazing! cos i dun really like gg thr agents ( i mean quite scary go to some stranger's house and den dunno wat its like.. later the parents are weird tyrants! ) and oso, he lives near campus, so easy for me to travel. den came the next issue.. day and time.. which i was quite afraid of cos kids these days haf busy weekday schedules.. so if weekend i tink i cannot oso cos i dun like working weekends..i offered friday.and amazingly, he is super free dat day! wow! which means i can go home not too late.. and i can teach! ;) and better still, his dad is in the building industry too! and even better still.. he has 3 thai kids staying wif him cos his parents are their guardians!! haha not like i am gonna get thai tuition fr those kids.. haha but its quite cool still.

many other significant events too, esp to those ard me whom i haf been praying for.. of cos, in my own walk and obstacles as well.

anyway, my bro the future star tennis player ( ya rite.. gonna retire in 2 wks time) has his first tournament tmr! haha he's been training hard man.. day in day out play play play whack whack whack.. at home kick ball.. kick until my poor hamster cage kena dismantled.. poor hamster man! kena big earthquake fr a mysterious source of rubber which is round and heavy and big!
oh yes, toking bout my hamster..caught him stoning dat day on the wheel! really. he was like this statue staring str8t into space.. den i wanted to take a foto but when ppl go near the cage.. he wud automatically run to the perimeters and poke his mouth and nose out into the gap.. why? cos he wants food! he is a pig, not a hamster. oh yeah, and he tried to bite ivan's big toe.. and den he walked away after dat.. ok la, previously he bit ivan's finger and squeaked! muz dislike ivan dats y! hahahahaah... no one likes ivan!! so sad even hamster oso dun like him!!!

okok i am getting quite unkind and random.. shall end here!

2007-01-25T10:16:00.000+08:00

wah baby contest!! who is cuter?! haha do u guys noe who is who?! okok give u a clue.. both haf surname wong wong wong!

2007-01-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

was at ft yesterday.. n there was this time for grp prayer.. to pray for the north neighbour having flood problems now. u noe, i din really feel much empathy, nor conviction to even sincerely pray for them, cos i felt so bad..

why bad? cos i can't even help my direct neighbours, or shud i say even love them.. so i turned tt prayer somewhat into blessing my daily neighbours first b4 even tryin to do sth more big scale and faraway. honestly, instead of loving my neighbours as i wud love myself, i haf done everything dissimilar to tt. i tink it was really a time of conviction and reflection dur the whole ft..

amazingly, it was as if God was affirming my decision, and convincing me to love those around me more.. shan't really say what those things are, but it was enough to awaken me to my senses.

thank God nothing disastrous happened b4 i realised this..

oh yes, and wah.. muz mention this in my blog!

"eh i need to find happy frens la!!"

"haha.. yes.. ppl like me!"

a typical conversation between me and a happy fren.. take note (not happy tree frens the morbid website!)

to this happy fren - wah.. so touched by ur entry.. no 1 in ur well wishes list some more! sob sob.. thx for being dere!

2007-01-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

i haf been feeling tired, withdrawn too often than i like.. i dunno why too. :/
perhaps its bcos after being happy wif my frens ard me, at the end of the day, i still gotta come back to a house which is not exactly a home anymore. stressful, depressing, gloomy.. so many words u can get fr the thesauras to describe the atmosphere huh..
maybe i juz wanna escape fr my responsibilities at home.. for the 1st time yest, i was rather irritated wif my aunt's sms.. she usually smses to ask bout my mum's well-being etc etc. but yest, my heart seemed to be screaming "give me a break!!"
hmm i dunno.. maybe its the stress of schl as well?
maybe i haf lost the zest for life, its like there is nothing to look forward to.

was doing some quiet time, and i came across this article.. its bout the baked bird aka baked turkey aka thanksgiving. obviously, thanksgiving is not baked turkey! but some ppl associate thanksgiving wif the baked turkey only.
of cos, as Christians, its more than dat. its so easy to give thanks for all the good things u haf in life! but, how bout the bad things in life? does God purposely cause all these to make u suffer? well, He has a purpose thr such adversities, and tho the process of being refined may suck to the core ( to put it crudely cos i tink it really does), i guess its all part of growing in faith, and trusting and accepting His will. tho i can't bring myself to thank God for such tryin times, i guess i gotta hold on to God's promises, and cling on to Him 24/7.. even dur those feelings of emptiness and fatigue, dur those feelings of frustration and confusion.

to see the light at the end of the tunnel may be very difficult now, esp when it comes to a pessimistic person like me.. but i noe my hope, my life, my all is in God's hands.

and well, to give thanks for the good things in life! countless really

ok the past 2 days were good.. met up wif belle and enid! yay! my very old buddies!! so nice! :)

and of cos, to those who haf been praying for me.. those who haf been kind and understanding, tolerant wif my mood swings and weirdness.

and finally, to the one who lives at cashew plantation.. tink u experience my worst mood swings, my most terrible behavior 99% of the time. doubt it has been easy since last may.. but thx for standing by me, for showing ur care and concern, for ur listening ear. thx for ever being so patient and kind, for taking precious time off ur busy schedule. thx.. for juz being u! okok i better stop this la.. too mushy already!

ok finally finally, thx be to God for giving me eyes dat can see, ears dat can hear, limbs dat can move, mouth tt can speak and eat, and a brain dat is not all dat retarded!!

2007-01-15T19:15:00.000+08:00

pRaise God!!! i got my tuts! all of them :)

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Psalm 20:7

was listening to some songs, and the phrases "our God" , "my God" were being emphasized in my head.
acknowledging God personally nv really came to my head.. perhaps God was juz faraway in my concept.. perhaps i nv really saw God as my Father, tho its so obvious and usual to address Him liddat in my prayers..

so how wud viewing God at a personal & affectionate level help?
i can't really explain it, but i guess this surge of passion/love wud naturally overflow if u acknowledge sth, someone, or even a hamster as urs..

so, really, when i remember dat God is indeed my Father, my God, this natural flow of love and passion for Him flows in me.

quite amazing really, cos i was juz wondering how to increase my faith, my zeal for God.. felt dat i was lacking somewhat this dry season. and eureka! He enlightened me.

oh yes, on to tt verse.. tt was the sermon verse.
on saturday, i juz learnt and realised dat i gotta trust and rely on Him all over again.. and wow.. the sermon was on this topic too!!

amazing really. :)

2007-01-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

was pretty frustrated/lost these few wks, and i tink such negative feelings intensified this morning..

din really noe wat the specific causes were.. but i recall complaining bout how my life sucks cos i dun get wat i want and others seem to haf wat they want. its like a resentful self-pitiful type of lament.. nv being satisfied.

childish huh?

den, in the afternoon, i paused n tot for awhile but all these feelings.

it was quite magical really, cos it was as if GOd was toking to me. suddenly this tot juz came to my head.. (din even refer to the Bible)

tho it sounds common and obvious, i tink i haf failed to practise this for awhile..
God was telling me this - Chris, its not bout wat u want, and wat u dun receive..

rather, its bout wat He wants for me, wat He has in store for me in His perfect time. realised i was having many selfish ambitions, and following the desires of my own.. 4got to see tt He is the sovereign one, and His ways and tots are much higher than mine, unfathomable in fact. tink i haf become complacent, and wanted everything acc to my own will.

all is required of me is to trust, haf more faith, and to trust, and to haf more faith again.

anyway, cell grp for my little ones went well today.. :) thank God.. ok little not so little ok.. sec 3 /4.. but i feel like a dino dere.. as drawn by one of the girls who called me dat!! am i big or old or wat?! :/

2007-01-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

rain rain go away!! ok la, at least i dun fall now! tts a good thing!

schl is not dat bad yet.. except tt nite lects no webcast!! sian! u noe at nite the public bus takes forever to come... like ghost bus liddat.. and den all the commuters are so weird and not nice smelling and all.. (i tink i one of them haha)

and today was quite a nice day! i was sad to leave my house cos it was pouring cats and dogs!! but God is kind.. when i stepped out of my apartment.. the rain stopped!! really!! no need to use umbrella! wow.
ok, but coming back, it was POURING again, but i actually had the common sense to dodge here and dere in the HDB void decks and sheltered pathways. wah.. i feel so smart.. usually dumbo me wud brave the rain and take the usual walking route. today, i actually realised there is shelter!! thank God for tt realisation!!

oh, n i was pleasantly surprised by a msn msg fr my fren.. its been really long since i last toked to her (like b4 uni started).. and wow, i actually had some chances to share bout my faith wif her. its like some rekindled frenship! thank God too

been thinking and reflecting bout wat God wants me to do this sem.. been praying for direction. okok, still searching, but the skeleton is forming..

i tink this sem, or this yr perhaps.. i really want to

open the eyes of my heart ( esp when i am reading His word)

persevere on in faith, stand firm in Christ

haf some burdens in some areas too, i really hope to do sth and recognise the oppurtinites when thrown at me..

yepyep, still rather hazy tho..

but this is it so far..

2007-01-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

met up wif jen today :) it was really good and nice catching up!! we gotta do this every time u are back on vacation!

was feeling quite down n sian b4 meeting her,but was cheered up after toking to her..

now am less depressed.. thank God.
tink i haf been focusing too much on the downside things in life, n i 4got to take time to cherish wat i haf got, wat blessings God has given me.
in dealing wif some issues wif someone, i tink i have been overly critical n demanding, and i 4got the big picture.. 4got to appreciate the goodness.. sorry really.

anyway, got my last module, some South East Asian module. :/ yuckie.. but oh well, at least i noe mae and steph dere.. so its not as bad huh..

hope i can get thai3 next sem!! been tryin to watch this thai vcd ( with no subtitles).. wah muz replay 3 times to get sentence by sentence! tink my thai juz cannot make it..nevertheless, i still like my tomyam, som tam, thai tea!!

2007-01-07T21:42:00.001+08:00

hai.. very depressed, discouraged. din get thai 3.. cos demand too high, and all the kiasu ppl throw in so many points!!!

sigh. its juz unfair.

i tink my thai interest may be killed prematurely already.... always kena rejected for thai!! twice already! i cannot take the discouragement and disappointment already!!!

dun really noe wat to do.. too sian to tink of wat to bid for , or to do tmr. as my fren put it, juz lost n my mind is in a big whirl.

:( its worse when u gotta try to be strong, and hold the fort at home. sigh, i want my own room too, a place where i can cry out loud, a place where i can choose my own furniture, where i can do anything i want. SIGH

tink i haf been depressed for a little while, since 2007 began, small things here and dere dat dun go ur way make it much worse.. tho small, but its enough to make me cry. now tts a sure sign dat sth is wrong..

perhaps some arent aware of the magnitude of the impact of such little things on me, and dunno wat to do to make me feel better. leave me alone and i will feel sad cos its as if the person doesn't care, toking might end up wif the wrong thing being said. sigh, i tink i am juz tough to handle.
as my fren said, i juz gotta accept tt their reactions wun change, cos they are simply who they are. i can't demand tt they be dere for me, cos they wun noe how to show dat they are there for me. it certianly wun help wif unchangeable circumstances such as meetings and supper and watever activities.

i gotta realise dat at the lowest point in my life, no one can really make me feel better other than God. no point expecting others to be dere for u, cos u will only get lower in ur life.